Thursday, May 11, 2023

Memories of times past

I'd been searching for this photo for weeks and weeks now.  And low and behold...I found it.  Tucked away into a file folder deep in the dark of stored file containers was this little beauty of a pic.

That's my sister Brenda on the left, my dad (who passed away Jan. 1 of 2021) and me on the right.  I distinctly remember the day this photo was taken.  Probably one of the earliest memories of my childhood.

It was a chilly day...but something struck a chord with my about not wearing a shirt on this day.  Was like a statement my little self needed to make.  (no idea why at this moment or why it even mattered to me...but it did)  I remember putting on these pair of pants and with no shoes or shirt marching out to the garden where this random photo op was going down.

As you can see I'm proudly standing there like...yep bitches...this is what's happening.  I love this picture! And I love my younger self who on that day didn't care about gender rules (girls have to wear shirts).

Meet young Rache.  Trying to navigate life's rules and regulations in her own way.  Just so happened that THIS day...I didn't get any guff about it.  Those days were yet to come.


Turning over a new leaf


Hard for me to believe that I haven't posted anything here for over 2 years.  And my oh my much has happened during this time.  Many life changes..many dark nights...many challenges...many upgrades.

I think it goes without saying it's difficult to write creatively when you're in the middle of major life changes and everything seemingly is just swirling around you. (Much like it appears on screen when Frodo puts on the "one ring" in the Lord of the Ring trilogy and everything goes sorta slow motion and blurry and fragmented.)

Over the next few months I'll be gradually updating my blog here and shifting my topics from and frivolity to a more comprehensive approach with more real life application to how I'm embracing life more fully...openly...with full regard for feeling/cognitive/intellectual and heart-mind comprehension all involved and at play.

I have rarely if ever publicly touched on the topic of being gay...but I'm going to allow myself more freedom to express this part of my life in the hopes that it will help others embrace their truth as well, whatever that may be.  Honestly and openness begets honesty and openness.

Also, I recently admitted to myself that I had a drinking problem.  Rarely did a night go by that I wasn't drinking in the last...oh I dunno...15 years.  Beer, wine and whiskey were my friends.  That country song "a long-necked ice cold beer never broke my heart" is in fact very true.  Beer doesn't break your break your own an effort to cope with the pain, hurt and trauma that you find in your lap.  So having recognized that I am not only harming myself...but also others all around me..I choose me now.  I choose to reach toward myself...hold myself myself...and become the greatness that I know is within me.

I'm not going to kid myself here and think that simply stating these things makes it so.  I know to say "and that's a wrap" would be a lie here.  There is much work to do...much darkness and shadow to uncover and grapple with and understand and find compassion be it.  This is the way.

Onward and upward!