1/1/25 1300: Rest in Peace year Four, Dad.

Today marks the fourth anniversary of Dad’s passing. Each year that passes it gets a little less complicated to walk through the energy around this time of the year. 

The passing of a parent isn’t for the faint of heart...as some of you already know. (There’s a kind of club that you join unknowingly when you lose a father or a mother). 

I learned so so many things throughout this journey. One of which is that upon the passing of someone who holds very specific memories that only the two of you share...means...that you can no longer relive these special memories by talking with them about it.  Essentially, their version of these special moments die with them. And trust me...Dad had a LOT of special versions of a lifetime of living memories that he and I shared.

Of course, Dad was human. He had his share of failures and fuck ups and faults. But he taught me a lot of things in his time here on earth. Some good...some not so good. 

He wasn’t the most gracious of men when I came out to him and Mom. It was where a very rough road began between he and I. But in the end...it forced me to look for the path to compassion for him. After all...if I wanted him to love me unconditionally...then I needed to love him without condition as well. It took me many years to figure out what this even meant.

I admired Dad on many levels. His persistence, his problem-solving skills, his relentless and quirky humor, his warrior spirit in taking on a challenge.

It was hard to watch him deteriorate in his final years as his battle with Parkinson's began to wear him down...mentally and physically.  When having a conversation with him there were glimpses of the man I knew versus his medicated mind that often spoke of hallucinated scenes. The best part of this was that I knew then that I would once again be able to have many conversations with him and discuss some of the deepest of topics after he passed. And this is true. I speak to him almost daily now.

All of this said...I want to tell you a story. An unbelievable true story about one of the many tall tales that “happened to Dad.” It’s a testament to his internal code of being fair and also being an advocate for one of his most favorite stores—Big Lots.

Dad loved to shop at Big Lots! (Especially the electronics aisle.)  Back when there used to be a Big Lots in Wauseon, Ohio...Dad went there to make a return for something he purchased one day. Everything went per usual until the next morning he called the bank to check on recent debits and credits (this of course was back when to get information on your banking you had to call the bank and listen to an automated recording for each of your transactions)....here’s what he heard.

“Credit in the amount of….two hundred thirty-five thousand, four hundred and forty eight dollars.”
What in the sam hill?? Yes...you read that correctly! That’s $235,448.00 deposited into his account!  Unbelievable.

Big Lots of Wauseon had mistakenly credited him two hundred thirty-five thousand...four hundred and forty eight dollars into his account!! He recorded an audio to prove to people that this actually happened...and then took great joy in playing it for anyone and everyone that would listen. Maybe it could be said that dad had something to do with Big Lots of Wauseon closing...but regardless...he contacted them right away to ensure they got it all straightened out and they got their money back. He was always honest if things like this happened...which for some reason goofy things like this happened to Dad. And he was always an advocate for Big Lots!!!

Crazy stuff like this happened to Dad. I swear there was never a dull moment with him.
Thank you for teaching me so much...and for continuing to teaching me...even now!

Miss you Dad.  
Rest in peace.

 

 

 

Photo #1: My sister and Dad.

Photo #2: Me and Dad

Photo #3: Dad fixing one of those epic nylon banded folding chair with me as the trusty assistant. I'm certain we were discussing the science of fixing folding chairs.

 

 

You can read the eulogy I wrote and recited at Dad's funeral in 2021 by clicking here.

 

 

 

12/29/24 1430: Creek crossings. Presence required.

Adventure...which I will define as an activity that challenges your mind and your body in such a way that you have to show up and give that moment your full attention...which means...no talking, among other things.
While living away from the mountains, I actually forgot...what it’s like to immerse oneself in surroundings that are rugged and wild.  Where the outcome of your traversing through this might be questionable...depending upon the choices you make. I also forgot that given the unpredictability that exists within this realm, you...as a human being...make surprisingly good choices (although sometimes there’s mistakes made) because you know your own body’s capabilities and generally err on the side of your physical best interests.
There’s a knowledge and a knowing that’s been re-activated within me about navigating nature’s terrain here in the Blue Ridge Mountains. And creek crossings are definitely one place that causes either new learning or a re-awakening of how to read one’s surroundings and navigate natural elements.

I met up with a fellow river guide yesterday (Meet Jay) and we chose to challenge ourselves with a land adventure by hiking to Little Bradley Falls. 

He and I had a lot to catch up on so we talked and talked and talked about much of the events that have unfolded in our lives (before and after Helene) while we hiked. Jay reminded me that he was on that last Green River Adventure whitewater kayaking trip back on September 20th that I wrote about. We reminisced about how tumultuous that trip was...quite a few things that day went “off script”...but what we talked about mostly was how much it didn’t seem to bother us as much as it did earlier in the season. We had learned (while resisting of course) how to let go of our need for these trips to go how WE wanted them to go and just let them unfold and manage circumstances as best we could in the moment.

Here come the creek crossings. There are three creek crossings enroute to Little Bradley Falls and each one naturally provides its own challenges.  We arrived at the first pretty gung-ho and ready to face wet feet if need be. We found a route that required some rock-hopping (which if you’ve been around rivers and creeks you know that rocks often are slippery...we were ready...and turns out...neither of us slipped and fell into the creek) and made it across...dry footed. Yeah!

When we arrived at the second creek crossing, a short while later, it was evident that wet feet might be the thing here. Until Jay spied a way across where someone before us has laid two logs (more like branches because these were only about 5 inches in diameter) side-by-side and about 8 feet long across a section where there were no rocks to cross.  So we rock hopped half-way across and then one behind the other, Charlie Chaplin style, walked across these logs. Now...something of note...logs of this diameter tend to flex….which both of these did. So as you put one foot down on one log...it flexed causing it to drop lower than your other foot that was planted on the other log right next to it. But if you went slow enough....and maintained razer-sharp focus in each moment...one step after the other….POOF, you made it across without any sort of flailing of arms or landing on your butt in the creek.

My whole point in telling this story is what happened on the returning creek crossing here at this same spot. We quickly discovered that talking while attempting this feat caused epic failure! Complete attention to the task...as if you had to link your mind to your feet and your arms and your attention to detail was what this moment required of us both. (Which is one of the MANY reasons I love adventures like these! 100% presence is required. No talking, no thinking about tomorrow, none of that. Just total attention to detail and focus.) Funny thing...since we’d already made it across this spot on the way TO the falls...I think there was a sort of “oh yeah...I can do this” letting down of our guard sorta thing that happened on the way back.) I’m happy to report neither of us fell into the creek on this second attempt...but there was flaying of arms and some pretty hilarious gestures and yes, wet feet after this...and of course a lot of laughter.

Jay and I both agreed after discussing our whitewater kayaking escapades while guiding for Green River Adventures and also our creek crossing adventures here on this trail this day...that Nature is the greatest classroom!

Thank you Jay for suggesting we go hiking this particular balmy day. Fun was had by all!

Get outside as often as possible. Challenge yourself to try new things. And be kind to yourself if you fall down, get wet, screw-it-up...it’s all part of the adventure!

Go, Be, Do!

12/10/24 12:00: The Unraveling of a Leaf.

I had just finished doing some work clearing brush from an embankment on some very wild and rustic mountain property and paused for a few moments to bathe in the surrounding silence. While working I had noticed that I could hear traffic noises from I-26 (very deep and low truck sounds), which was a little surprising because I was quite a few miles from the highway. (Sound travels and bounces around in odd ways in the mountains.) But from this...I began to isolate each sound I heard...an airplane overhead, the distant silence among the trees,  the trickling sounds from the creek below, down to the point that I heard a single leaf rustle across the bank in front of me. From this...I decided to intently listen and bask in these quiet stirrings. (Mostly because you never know what you might hear whispered on the wind...an adventure in and of itself.)

I leaned up again a very large rock that was on the bank overlooking a lovely rippling creek and was suddenly captivated by this tiny leaf skeleton laying there right in front of me. I immediately wondered just how long this leaf had been laying there in order to turn into this shell of itself? I didn’t dare touch it because I instinctively knew it would disintegrate right before my eyes.

The intricacies and delicateness of each and every vein, now fully visible and in great detail was breathtaking! Now paired down to the very bones of the leaf. How long did this unraveling take?
Time didn’t seem to matter here. The details were what mattered.

There was a familiarity to me with this intricate and yet very complex pairing down from what used to be this leaf...to what this leaf was now. Bare bones.

It is very clear to me that many of us are smack in the middle of a “pairing down” phase in our lives. The sorting and clearing and de-cluttering, some things even have been ripped out from under us seemingly without our having any real choice in the matter. To sit within the feeling of what we used to feel like...to how it feels now...so very different...yet also from deep within it all...there is a “freeing” feeling. Maybe some of the heaviness is gone...maybe things feel a bit lighter.
With the things we are able to sort through...each and every decision is based upon…“Do I really need this anymore? Does it hold the same purpose it once did?”

From within what I’m describing here...you might be able to tell (much like the leaf) that sometimes we find ourselves stuck on a rock with no choice but to change into the next version of ourselves. Like a leveling up.

Remember those old video games where you moved from left to right as you progressed through the game? Each level has a progression of difficulty and challenge that came with it. And if you died...you had to start over, back at the very beginning of that level again. And always...ALWAYS near the end of each level was a very difficult challenge. And when you finally beat that level there was a brief moment of victory before you started the next level. But...because you learned and grew and expanded your ability to navigate the challenges in that level...the start of the next level was a smidge easier only because you’d made it through that last big intense challenge at the end of the last one.

Human crisis and challenge is where we learn the most about humaning. When the stress levels are high...when we are exhausted...when we falter at the face of another decision to be made...but as always...the intensity passes...we get through it...and then comes the sorting after. The flicking off of details that are no longer necessary for us to continue to carry on our journey.

We’re left with the bare bones. And there’s beauty there. So much beauty.

Photo Credit: me in the wild mountain rustic air standing next to a rock by the creek

 

 

12/05/24 1000: Silence.

 

A strange phenomenon emerged from my spending hours each day this past Summer, guiding whitewater kayaking trips down the Upper Green River nestled in the wild and rugged Green River Gorge. And it lingers still.

I call it silence...the silence found within Nature. But I suppose this word isn’t really the essence of it. Stillness, comes a little closer to describe. And then as I’ve talked about this to others what also comes to mind is the lack of sound pollution...as in human-made sound.  Such as cars or trucks passing, people talking, thuds or bumps or booms, airplanes flying over head...you get the idea.

I used to explain this to guests on the van ride down to the Upper Green River put-in. I’d say to them, “You’re about to experience a phenomenon in the wild where you’ll hear nature’s silence. And you’ll know exactly when this occurs because you’ll hear a strange sound ahead of us when we reach a certain point on the river. A thump, thump thump.  This is when you’ll know you’ve just experienced Nature’s silence, because it will be broken by a human-made noise.”

This noise was created by the sound of semi-trucks and automobiles crossing the Peter Guice Memorial Bridge (connecting both sides of I-26 over the Green River Gorge) which we paddled directly under. The silence to noise ratio was unmistakable here in this very spot.

After just a few weeks of being immersed daily in natural surroundings where non-human sound exists, loud noises became increasingly aggravating to me. I began to drive in silence...no music or radio. Loud mufflered pick-up trucks that passed where I was became like fingernails on a chalk board. Any loud sounds were disturbing.

I’m reminded of similar phenomenon that played out with Appalachian Trail through hikers. Where re-adjusting back into civil life was incredibly complicated and difficult. After having spent months in the wilderness walking amongst the stillness...imagine how unsettling just the sound of downtown city traffic would be, let alone a train engine horn, or a blaring radio.

The beauty of this...well, turns out it’s become just another thing I’m sorting out. What sounds do I now willfully expose myself too? I find that I turn off sound more than I turn it on and when I listen to music, instrumental music like Native American Flute is mostly what’s on my playlist.

There’s a kind of listening ability that’s unlocked from within this knowing of silence. (Which being immersed in Nature’s silence clearly unlocked for me). And I recognize the slightest interruptions within the continuity of combined sounds and silence like never before.

Being bombarded with sound also means being bombarded by vibration...because all sound carries with it a vibration.  Is it any wonder that when you experience next to zero cluttered and disorderly vibrational sounds and when you do experience it again that it’s revolting?

Yet again...Nature teaches me some of the most fantastical things. She is a living, breathing, loving, classroom...radiating with wonder!

Photo Credit: pixabay (dot) com

 

 

 

11/28/24 1030: Letting go of the known.

Being a river guide teaches you things.  What a charismatic experience it is to take guests (some of whom this would be their first time in an inflatable kayak on whitewater) down such an extraordinary section of the Green River in Western North Carolina.

But this type of guiding is slightly difference than river guiding in a raft. Guiding in an eight person raft means everyone is in one place...in your boat and while you’re steering from the rear, you’re also giving verbal instructions for your rafters to paddle forward or backward to get your boat where it needs to go. If someone falls out there’s seven other people to help get them back into the boat.

Guiding trips of people down the river who are each in their own inflatable kayak is a whole different story. Ultimately, each guest is responsible for paddling their own kayak down the river while you show the way in your kayak.  But it didn’t take me long to land in a place of frustration on many of these trips down the Upper.

As a guide, my job was to paddle the path of least resistance down the Green and each guest was supposed to follow in a single-file line. Like ducks in a row. Well, sometimes the ducks weren’t in a row at all.  Sometimes...many times...more than I’d like to count…people took another path. And then they got stuck on rocks or fell out of their kayak or got hung up in tree branches on the riverbank or number of other things.

For longer than I’d like to admit...watching this unfold each day was frustrating...because this was totally avoidable. There was a known path down this river and through these rapids and why wouldn’t these folks choose to take this path? So many times, while paddling in the front of the group, I’d turn around and see guests literally ping-ponging off of each and every rock, versus following in the same line that I was showing them to go all the while avoiding the rocks.  I couldn’t understand it.

I reached into the deepest parts of my patience bucket and did my best to calmly and politely assist these paddlers through the many complications we found ourselves in together (stuck on rocks, gathering up a paddle or a boat after they fell out, etc). All the while grimacing under my breath that this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Until one day, one fateful day...it struck me.

“Rach, people are going to experience this river the way they are going to experience the river. It’s THEIR experience. It’s their choice. Let them have it their way. Let go.”

From that day forward my frustration all but evaporated entirely. Let people do it how they are going to to it. It’s not your experience...it’s there's. Let them have it how they want it.

Of course I guided trips after this “ahah” moment like I always did. Showing guests “the path of least resistance” down the river. But I let go of the notion that they needed to experience in “the known” way.

That’s just it isn’t it?  We all have the freedom to experience life in any way we choose. The guide might be suggesting this way...but ya know what...I’m gonna go this way instead. Freedom to choose.
Naturally, there are consequences to some of these choices...to which we must take responsibility for having landed there….but ah the joys of whitewater kayaking!

Never a dull moment. Always a life-lesson to be learned.
And I have so much to be grateful for from these and so many other experiences life has brought across my path. What a fascinating world we live in! Live it to the fullest...however that may look or feel or be.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! May it be full of joy and laughter, love and light.

11/19/2024 14:00: Must we make Rules about Bathrooms?

 

Well here we go. Not even two weeks after the election results were declared...it’s already started. No no, don’t scroll past this post just because I mentioned the election. Give this a look because I want to demystify a subject that’s been insidiously used to propagate “protect the children” and now “erasure of women’s rights” rhetoric and propaganda.

Ready for it?  ….Bathroom Bans.

No no, don’t leave yet. Because I’m about to tell you a different side of this issue and why bathroom ban proposals are not only detrimental but also pernicious.

So as not to belabor the point let me get right to it.  Bathroom bans are ludicrous. Bathroom bans are befuddlements...and these bans create a whole assortment of unsuspected fallout.

First of all, is this really the best Ohio legislatures can do right out of the gate?
Six days ago the Ohio Senate approved a ban on transgender students using bathrooms that fit their gender identities and sent the measure to Republican Gov. Mike DeWine for signature.
According to an article written by Julie Carr Smyth and published by the Associated Press on November 13th, “State Sen. Jerry Cirino, a Kirtland Republican, said the bill “is about safety and security.”

Let me interject here and now why this is ludicrous.  If safety and security for our nations youth were a genuine concern, then wouldn’t there be bans on predatory men being allowed to prey about young girls in churches? Wouldn’t there be more deliberation when it comes to reproductive health in young girls who became pregnant against their will? Wouldn’t there be bans on private ownership of high-caliber weapons that utilize detachable magazines that seem to be associated with school shootings? 

I call bullshit! ...on the reasons and whys behind Ohio Senators who felt it so important to pass a bathroom ban in the State of Ohio right out of the gate. There are immensely more important issues that affect Ohioans than who’s using what bathroom. I mean, come on. Human beings have been utilizing bathroom facilities for centuries. Making rules about bathrooms is not what you think it’s about.
Secondly, let’s discuss the unsuspected fallout of the rhetoric behind bathroom bans. I can guarantee you no one sits up late at night and worries about the use of public restrooms...UNLESS...you fall into a marginalized group. Let’s not forget U.S. history of segregated bathrooms for a moment. See? Ludicrous, ridiculous….bathrooms are meant to do one thing...relieve yourself. Simple fact.

But as someone who doesn’t fit the accepted appearance norms...we DO think about public bathroom use. Why? Because as it stands right now...left alone...no bans...for myself to walk into a women’s public restroom...I’ve been told such things as, “wrong one,” and received double-take looks from women walking into the women’s restroom I’m standing in while washing my hands at the sink. I am in fact selective when I use a public bathroom because I don’t want to have to defend myself each and every time I enter or depart a women’s restroom. Since my appearance is often mistaken for male...you might understand why this is problematic.

The implication that birth certificates should be carried as proof of gender is something I think about. After all, will bathroom bans lead to empowering people to think upon seeing me walk into a women’s restroom that it’s within their right to demand that I show them proof that I am in fact female?

And here’s a newsflash. No transgender person walks into the bathroom (they feel the most safe using) with the intent to cause harm to anyone else. (Even though this is the exact insinuation being spread by proposing transgender bathroom bans.) If a trans person walks into a bathroom he or she is simply there to do one thing and one thing only...relieve themselves and then go on about their day like any other human being. 

It’s laughable that today in the news...(according to articles at cnn, delawareonline dot com, the hill dot com and many other news sources) “South Carolina Rep. Nancy Mace on Monday introduced a resolution to amend the rules of the US House of Representatives less than two months before Democratic Rep.-elect Sarah McBride, a Delaware state senator, is sworn-in in January.”
According to delawareonline dot com “The sanctity of protecting women and standing up against the Left’s systematic erasure of biological women starts here in the nation’s Capitol,” U.S. House Rep. Nancy Mace, a Republican who represents South Carolina, said in a statement. 

So here’s the thing. While the alleged claim is the sanctity of protecting women is at stake, this same claim was made way back when the topic of legalizing gay marriage was up for debate. THE SAME CLAIM! Remember...the rhetoric wrapped up in “the sanctity of marriage” debate? The passing of gay marriage rights hasn’t impacted the sanctity of marriage in any way that I personally know. But that’s a whole other article to be written.

No, this maneuver in Washington D.C. is directly linked to harassing Rep.-elect Sarah McBride (D-Del.), who will be the first transgender member of the House when the 119th Congress convenes in January. Elected by her constituents in Delaware to represent them in Congress.

Bathroom rules? I think we can legislate better. 

After hurricane Helene ripped through Western North Carolina, I for one have been sorting conscientiously through what truly matters in life and bathroom bills aren’t one of them.
We the people have been managing bathrooms just fine on our own for centuries. And we don’t need lawmakers planting divisive rhetoric in our heads, many of whom don’t fully understand the detrimental ramifications anyway.

Photo credit: Marcin Wichary/Flickr

11/14/24 1730: Rule Number 6 ...and Practices in Possibilities.

 

 

 

 

Over almost two decades ago a book came across my path. I don’t remember the exact details of how it came to be in my hands, but whatever the how, I most certainly remember its impact on me.

This national bestseller was published waaaay back in 2002 and is titled, “The Art of Possibility” by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander, and please note it is still fiercely pertinent to present day.

How incredibly ironic that the topic of chapter 6 (all about Rule Number 6) has come into my mind many MANY times in the past few weeks and months. Happy to “spill the beans” here...Rule Number 6 is simply, “Don’t take yourself so g--damn seriously.”

I have a tendency to break Rule Number 6 all over the place and twice on Sunday...and as I thought into why I tend to be so serious...why I take life very seriously at times...well...there’s been a lot at stake in what’s brought me to this spot on the page.

I’ve done a lot of serious stuff...where there were consequences for one’s actions, such as...working as a whitewater kayak guide on the Upper Green River where sometimes being in nature's wild caused crazy things to happen….and then there was working as a conductor for the Dearborn Division of the Norfolk Southern railroad. Not only was the job itself very dangerous at times (life and limb sorta stuff)...the company managers were always looking for a reason to fire you...which lead to a pretty serious work-life. After I was laid off from the railroad (Feb 2020) I worked for the US Postal Service as a rural mail carrier. And let me just say, 2020 was not a very fun, lighthearted time to become a rural mail carrier. Not a day went by from March to October of 2020 where I wasn’t running like my hair was on fire, my vehicle was on fire, the mail was on fire and everything was on fire (also note: this was long before Amazon delivered their own packages but rather shipped them via the USPS), because the paralyzing affect that the COVID debacle had on USPS logistics systems was, well let’s just say...serious. Before all this I was a H.S. and college volleyball and basketball referee for many years...a lot of humorlessness throughout some of those very intense times.

So yes, ever since reading and re-reading “The Art of Possibility” and the chapter about Rule Number 6 I think of this when I need to remember the benefit of laughter and the humorous side of things.

On page 81 you’ll find the following quote:
“Remembering Rule Number 6 can help us distinguish (and hold at some remove) the part of ourselves that developed in the competitive environment of the “measurement world.” {sidebar here...you don’t grow up Baptist and not learn a smidge about the “measurement world.” just saying.} For the sake of discussion, we’ll call it our calculating self. One of its chief characteristics, as we shall see is that it lobbies to be taken very seriously indeed. When we practice Rule Number 6, we coax this calculating self to lighten up, and by doing so we break its hold on us.”

All of this said, I have noticed that more and more folks here on Facebook seem to be turning to humor in these current times we find ourselves...myself included. (I'm seeing more humor related posts...funny cat videos or quips or memes meant to lighten the air or even cause us to burst out in laughter, and thank you for this!) Some of this might be contributed to simply how ridiculous things have become...where you just laugh because that’s the only thing left to do.

It’s also worth noting that laughter is proven to have many health benefits!
According to an article found here (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456) and written by Mayo Clinic staff, laughter can soothe tension, relieve stress response, improve your immune system, relieve pain, and improve your mood.

You don’t have to take my word for it...just find something that makes you laugh and you can see for yourself. So I’ve written this as much for a reminder to myself to turn more of my attention to humor as I have for anyone else. Although...I know you need it too. I’ve read your posts.

If you need a place to start, why not check out: “The Art of Possibility” by the Zanders’. I’ve just added it back to my “current reads” pile. Lord knows I need more laughs and lightheartedness right now too!

Photo Credit: cover of the book