03/23/25 1930: Update regarding wildfires near Saluda, NC.

“It’s time to learn about wildfires,” Mother Nature said.
And just like that...here came a big dose of wildfires right in the back yard of Saluda, NC and some surrounding areas.  Turns out...it’s not just an “out west” thing any more.

As a resident of Saluda and being within two to five miles (as the crow flies) of where there are three active fires burning (currently burning an area of over 4,500 acres) I wanted to share some insights into maybe putting some more meaning into this scenario as it unfolds here in our daily lives.

*Note that these fires have been named the “Deep Woods Fire” (currently over 2,500 acres...on the South side of Green River Cove road), the “Black Cove Fire” (currently over 2,000 acres...on the North side of Green River Cove road) and the “Fish Hook Fire” (currently over 150 acres...on the North side of Lake Adger). The Black Cove Fire is primarily burning in the Green River Wild Gamelands.

Firstly...wild fires don’t move like we are used to experiencing with weather patterns. You know...like left to right on a map...trackable…...North to South...East to West….is pretty easy to learn if you’re in the direct path of a dangerous storm or tornado or a hurricane. It’s easy to know even approximately when you may be in danger...like at what point the storm may pass over your location.

My experience with these wildfires here have been...first you see a post about it’s beginning location by the local authorities...and then at some point you see the smoke from it.  But you have NO IDEA which way its traveling...who’s in danger...what locations are safe.  I learned real quick..I have absolutely ZERO experience with “what to do” in case of wildfire near you.

So what happens is you worry and seek out information. And there just isn’t a lot. Not like a weather event where every channel is broadcasting predictions and warnings are issued and so forth.
Wildfires seem to be more of a living, breathing, threat that shifts and changes moment by moment.

Wildfires don’t burn necessarily in a direction per say. Two sides can be burning in two different directions...or three sides... or all sides...or it may be burning in a line of sorts all in one direction and then it will shift due to wind changes and where the expectorant is more dense (in this case...there’s a WHOLE LOT of downed tree debris left in the forest here from Helene damage so it’s a lot like matchsticks laying everywhere). There’s also hot burning embers flying up into the air and then falling ahead of the fire causing it to grow into a new direction.  I would imagine that it might be described by some as “wack a mole” when it comes to attempting to “put the fire out”.

So containment is the end game. To protect structures where people live. And to backburn in an attempt to keep the fire from spreading so that when the fire reaches that area there’s nothing left there to burn.

Meanwhile...you hear lots of emergency sirens, aircraft (in this case a Chinook and Huey helicopter) dropping water to control the spread, see the smoke billowing into the sky and depending upon how the wind is blowing...air quality gets pretty poor because of the smoke.

I noticed that as the fires spread and residential roadways were being threatened...evacuation orders were issued based upon the direction of spread. Yet there didn’t seem to be a way to know ahead of time who was in danger.  Do you pack up and leave? Is it safe to stay?  Do you need to go? And how do you know when it’s safe to return?

I was scouring Facebook to find as much information as I could about knowing the answers to these questions.  And then...And THEN...I came across THE MOST HELPFUL THING!

It’s like a weather radar for wildfires. Shows you right where they are...and gives you clues as to which way they are moving.  Imagery all provided from satellites passing over.

Fire.airnow.gov  

It’s basically like a google maps but for showing where fires are currently burning all over the U.S.  So to view these particular fires near Saluda, NC... just click on the map and drag it in a direction that will show you North Carolina, then zoom way in.

Using this tool I’m MUCH more comfortable knowing whether I’m in any imminent threat from where these fires move and spread to.

Quite honestly...I’ve been a little shell-shocked from being surrounded by crisis again and again.  (The devastation from Hurricane Helene, then the Melrose wildfire here the first week of March and now these wildfires). Writing about it helps me sort it all out. So if you’ve read this far...thank you for reading along.

The town of Saluda is not currently in imminent danger. But there have been quite a few mandatory evacuations issued in areas that this fire is currently impacting. I'll put a link in the comments that list these streets and roads.

Also note that Saluda Fire and Rescue has declared the hiking trails to Little Bradley Falls and to Big Bradley Falls as closed until further notice.

I hope learning about this fire-watching-tool is as helpful for you as it has been for me.  Now I can sleep at night...and better plan for whether a mandatory evacuation is coming my way.



Photo Credit: Damian Morgan

03/14/25 1815: The Learning Space

I recently came across a video where clinical psychologist, Dr. Becky Kennedy, was guest lecturing at her Alma mater, Duke University. In her lecture to a class called “Learning to Fail” (which is part of the resilience curriculum), Dr. Kennedy talked about the profundity found in what she called, “the learning space.”

According to what she says on this video and to this class, “the learning space” is the space in between knowing and not knowing. The space between being good at something and not being good at something.

You can’t have lived as a human and not know the experiences found within this very space. We all know the moments found here very well.  Such as learning to ride a bike...and the wrecking and the falling and the kicking of tires and skinning of knees before the actual real riding occurs.

According to Dr. Kennedy, there’s one feeling found within this space.

Frustration!

And some people are runners from this feeling because it can be SO VERY uncomfortable.  But I contend...that the most successful people in the world have learned to become resilient here.  Have learned to be comfortable with the frustration...and stay present and work through the discomfort...until the level of familiarity and comfort and knowing is reached.

Naturally, much of the successes here can be attributed to sheer determination and gut fortitude...and sometimes this can be due to the need for survival or just because the end determines the means.

So let’s talk about the space between being good at something and not being good at something.
We can’t get to the “being good at” without being able to tolerate the intense moments found in “not being good at” a thing. And from within that...we have to LET ourselves not be good at something in order to learn something new.

I think we were much better at this as kids. Where nearly everything we do is new to us so we embrace newness like the adventure it is.  Newness was all we knew then. We didn’t have the option of having done a thing for 10 years yet. So we settled into that newness...and explored and tried lots of new things.  Because too...our peers...those in our own age group were also doing the same...navigating the everything-is-new-to-us-landscape.

The longest I’ve worked at the same company was nine years (Rafting in the Smokies). And throughout those nine years I did a plethora of different jobs for that company...so it wasn’t the least bit rutty or stuffed with sameness.  The next longest I’ve worked for the same company was five years (Norfolk Southern Railroad).  The point in my telling you this is...while there have been many times in my life I’ve wondered what it might have been like to work for the same company for 20 or 30 years working my way up (wage increases and promotions and the like) and then retire from the same place.  But this hasn’t been my experience.  I’ve had dozens of different jobs over the years. And my oh my, how this has expanded my outlook on life.

But let me tell you...each time I start a new job...I go through the frustration-laden learning curve of not knowing all the ins and outs of that job.  My math and job experience has made it pretty clear that it takes about one year to get “comfortable” in a new job.  These first months doing a new thing are SO full of vulnerability, discomfort, and on and on.  And much to do with how present you are required to be in each an every task so that you don’t screw it up...because you can’t do it with muscle memory or on auto-pilot yet.  But in the very act of trying new things...oh my gosh...the proving ground and self-soil cultivating experiences that exist there are PRICELESS!

Nature is yet another great teacher when it comes to expanding our comfort zones and challenging ourselves in “the learning space.”  Is why I’ve nearly fallen in love with “creek crossing” experiences while hiking here near the town I currently call home, Saluda, NC just outside of Asheville.

Here you are...hiking along in your confidence...and then you realize the trail continues on the other side of this creek you just came upon. Now you’re required to find a way across. In the warmer months you just take your boots off and walk across. But in the cooler months...finding an alternative (maybe rock hopping or shimmying across a downed tree-bridge) route is a most gloriously challenging experience.  Simply to see if you can do it without getting your feet wet.  I like to call this “the adult playground” moment. Where you see the “monkey bars” that nature has presented and wonder inside if you can tackle the problem presented.

You’ve got to connect with your body mentally and remember what it’s actually capable of.  Balance, coordination, jumping distance, etc.  Then you’ve got to size up your surroundings and estimate whether you’re capable of what you’re asking yourself to do.  It’s a most delightful confidence builder when you get to the other side and say to yourself…“yep...I just did that.”

I’ll mention here too...one way (and there are many) to become comfortable in the “frustration/not knowing space” is to laugh at yourself.  Don’t take yourself so seriously in this space.  

I’d like to become an expert at staying in the learning space...and not being so hard on myself for “not knowing” some things.  And one of the best ways I know to challenge what you do know...is to put yourself in situations that you’ve never been in before.

I’m still learning and I’m no expert.  But the only way I know to become an expert at something...is to do that something over and over and over and over again.

So I want to take a moment and thank the Facebook algorithms for bringing the Dr. Becky Kennedy across my path. I now have a WHOLE NEW view on the value that exists within the experience of frustration from within “the learning space.”

Photo Credit: Image by ichimi from Pixabay

02/19/25 1400: Sloppiness

On the day I’m about to describe to you...sloppiness was definitely involved. Which resulted in the usual important lesson-learned scenario after and fortunately for me...no harm, nor foul either. And, well, I also armed myself with a critical tool for future wilderness experiences.

So what went down on this fateful day? Well, this day (like many others before it) I was co-guiding (me and one other) a group of 13 whitewater kayakers in inflatable kayaks down the Upper Green River near Saluda, NC.

This paddling section is just short of a 4 mile run and with 8 noteworthy rapids to navigate. The third of these rapids is referred to as “Bayless Boof” (named for local kayaking pioneer John Bayless) which in whitewater terms is rated a class III.  This rapid is basically a 15 foot waterfall that’s split into two sides by a big rocky island. We run right up the middle, while hard-shell kayakers run the left-side line which is the “Boof” line.

The method in which we guide boaters down this rapid is we have everyone stop and float in an eddie just upstream from Bayless. One guide goes down this rapid ahead of everyone else and provides safety for each boater as they come down and directs them to hold up in a nearby eddie to wait for everyone else as they arrive at the bottom. The other guide hops out of their boat and stands in the middle of the river at the very top of Bayless and literally points and pushes each boat one-by-one into a specific channel or route down the rapid.

This day, I went first...just like many days before. But this day...I was in a foggy state-of-mind. Let’s just say I was not in a place of laser-sharp-focus...which is kind of important in a wilderness setting such as this. And you’re about to see why.

It was not uncommon to paddle over the top of this rapid and in the descent down into this drop to be spun and then face backwards by the current and shallow rocks pushing and pulling on your boat.  But an odd thing happened in my mind as this happened to me on this day.

I could feel that I was about to be spun around...and as I spun now facing backwards I made the choice to continue to look forward rather than turn my head and anticipate where I was headed behind me. (In doing this...it made my ability to control my direction and balance during the descent much more difficult). I don’t really know what it was that caused me to sort of surrender to fate in that moment...and I did have an immediate sense that this wasn’t the best decision...because my descent now became 100% unpredictable.

Sure enough...when I reached the foamy, curly, pushy waves of current at the bottom my boat tipped hard to one side...I couldn’t see the tip coming and feeling it was too late...and wapow!...flew right outta my boat.

In the next 5 seconds a million thoughts zoomed through my head as I popped up out of the whitewater swirling around me. (Thank you pfd.)

First, where’s my paddle? Good...still in my hand.
Second, where’s my boat? Good...within arms reach...but upside down.
Third, you better navigate your way back into that boat as quick as possible...because if you get pushed by this current downstream away from the task at hand...which is SUPPOSED to be to provide safety for guests who are about to come paddling down this same rapid any minute...this isn’t gonna bode well for anyone.

I had no choice then to spring into action...flip my boat back over, jump in...and paddle to the eddie on river right and then calmly await the arrival of fellow boaters. Adrenaline made this a lot easier to accomplish that I expected.

After I got back into my boat...I looked around.
“Did anyone see that?” I wondered as I chuckled under my breath.
No. Because no one could see me. Everyone else was at the top and away from the edge of the falls so they couldn’t see downstream to where I was. No one but I was at the bottom...it was just me and nature here in this moment.

I laughed out loud...and relief poured over me.

Sloppiness.  This is what sloppiness will get you every time.
Vigilance and focus is what this moment called for...and I fucked it up. Fortunately...no harm, nor foul this day. But...you betcha I’ve thought about this moment over and over. Have relived it dozens of times.

Funny the all-encompassing benefits that experiences like these bring into our tool kits.
You betcha...each and every time thereafter that I paddled over Bayless Boof...I was laser-focused the entire way down. Vigilant. After all...there are things at stake in the wilderness. And if we stay present...and focused...and aware...we can navigate these in much more comprehensive ways. Versus willy-nilly half-assedness.

Interestingly...sloppiness of thought is really what was going on here. I had paddled this rapid dozens of times and never lost control in this way. But this day...I basically surrendered control because I passed the point of “not caring enough” to do what I knew needed to be done in the moment...turn around and LOOK where I was going. The moment I made that careless decision...that’s when things fell apart.
I knew better. Because...I had once before faced this moment of careless decision making in the wilderness...in a much different setting. Which is a story for another day.

Sloppiness or self-control?
Sloppiness or focus?
Sloppiness or stewardship of the moment?
Sloppiness or self-discipline?

It’s up to you to decide.

 

Photo Credit: Image by u_vra2ox6otu from Pixabay

 

 

01/27/25 1200: Let it be Good.

 

There’s been an alluring phenomenon happening to me each morning when I wake up. A word or phrase “drops in to my raft as I float down the river of life”. Each word or phrase is so intriguing that it calls for discovery...which has become the focus of my writing...as a way to unscramble the deeper meaning that each of these hold.

Today’s phrase is “let it be good.”

This phrase is influenced by a number of factors.

One...Mel Robbins new book titled “Let Them Theory.” Mel’s book is a step-by-step guide on how to stop letting other people's opinions, drama, and judgment impact your life. A kind of “allowing” if you will.

Two...a topic that’s been in my “discovery orbit” for quite a long time is the concept of “glory in suffering.” This concept is all about our human tendencies to play small and how we often lean towards telling the bad news first-and-foremost to others. As if the bad news (illness, tragedy, struggle, financial woes, relationship woes, etc) is more worthy of adoration or attention. Somehow in this belief we gain “power” from our “non-successes”. Is like a fool’s gold. And this belief has very troubling significance. (A writing for another day.)

So then, the phrase “let it be good” is a combination of these two things.

Let it...be good for once. Speak from how good a thing actually is...versus the negative connotation of a thing. Something here that may or may not be obvious within this context is...I (along with many others) are still sorting through the emotional aftermath that hurricane Helene left in her wake.

We were in the clutches of disaster recovery and relief here in WNC for days and days and weeks and weeks and there is still fragility in the air. And now...as things have settled into the new normal...a mental and emotional and nervous system awareness shift is taking place...in that the feeling that things are good again is present once more.

There was a sense here back in the end of September through mid-December of 2024 (much like during the COVID years) that there was absolutely no sense or sign of when the arrival of good news would actually prevail. Each and every day it was story after story of wreck and destruction and challenge after challenge just to maintain some level of survivability. It was like there would be no end in sight because the devastation was so far reaching...and you had no choice but to give in to the despair of it all.

But now...there’s good in the air again. Life isn’t just about survival...things have shifted into a space where you can do things again that bring a smile to your face and heart. Like hiking, or walking your dog, or visiting with a friend.

“Letting it be good” is calling out and asking me to create a daily practice around it. A moment by moment decision to look for the good and celebrate every moment of this goodness.

We can certainly choose to give our attention and energy to the truly awful things that are unfolding on a daily basis (you know what I’m talking about here and it smells like just another version of COVID or Helene fear, doubt and despair) or, OR we can cultivate a peacefulness in our minds and hearts from the knowing that the awful and horrible has all happened before...and we’re still here. We are STILL here!

We all know the push and pull of darkness to light. Light always prevails. Because the light is inside everyone of us.

So today’s phrase “let it be good” is certainly about a shift of mindset.
We shall see where it might lead.

Onward and Upward!

Photo Credit: Image by Sven Lachmann from Pixabay

 

 

 

01/22/25 1130: Creating versus Consuming.

 

I’ve been studying the Law of Attraction for many years. And the study of this led me to discovering the 12 Universal Laws of the Universe.  

Here’s a quick list in case you haven’t come across these Universal Laws before:
1. The Law of Divine Oneness
2. The Law of Vibration
3. The Law of Correspondence
4. The Law of Attraction
5. The Law of Inspired Action
6. The Law of Perpetual Transmutation of Energy
7. The Law of Cause and Effect
8. The Law of Compensation
9. The Law of Relativity
10. The Law of Polarity
11. The Law of Rhythm
12. The Law of Gender

So upon discovery of these Universal Laws and after reading through each one of them, (click here if you’d like to know more about each of these Universal Laws...a word of caution...reading these will change you) I quickly realized this was a worthy “master’s level class” to delve into. I decided I would go through each one of these and study them until I understood how each of these laws worked. Yes, yes...I know...I realize this was an act of choosing to step towards the library hall of some of the greatest scrolls of elderly wisdom...call it my adventurous spirit’s hunger to understand and expand.  Meanwhile...

I got through the Law of Divine Oneness pretty quick...fairly easy concept to wrap my mind and heart around. A splash more difficult to apply this knowing in day-to-day life though. Humbling to really understand we are all linked together as one through the divine...not just human to human but every living thing. It became much less easy for me to judge others from this knowing because now I have the knowledge that I am you and you are me. Woops, there went my high horse. Just ran plum off and left me standing there...humbled.

Moving on to the Law of Vibration...well, I’ve been studying this now for about 2 ½ years now. This Law is so robust...so deeply layered...gonna take me a minute to reach understanding with this one. But...BUT...here’s the thing I wanted to talk about today. Bare with me as I walk us towards this.

If you’ve studied Eckhart Tolle’s work or Greg Braden or Ram Dass or many of the others’ working towards uncovering some of the greatest “secrets” of humaning on earth...(and how exactly do we step out of the unconscious rat race and into living from a higher level of consciousnesses...remember red pill / blue pill in the Matrix?) you’ll be familiar with the concept that everything here on Earth is energy...is of vibration….is of frequency.

So what this then means is...I resonate at a particular frequency...a vibration. Yet I can raise or lower my vibration. For example, if I gaze at the beauty of a morning sunrise...I am essentially raising my vibration so long as I am present...and focusing on the beauty and resonating with the feeling from within watching this beautiful display of nature.  Alternatively, I can lower my vibration by eating certain foods, watching a violent scene in a movie, consuming music with a heavy dark message...you get the point here (and you can probably feel your vibration swing between these descriptive feelings even as you read them).

Here’s the thing...all of this led me to the idea that...I am in complete control of my vibration based upon what I choose to consume.  Which then raises an interesting question.  Why would I choose to consume things that are guaranteed to lower my vibration? Why would I choose to consume things that actively keep me in the dumps if you will? Well, now...isn’t this an interesting question?

Enter...awareness. Once you know...you cannot un-know.

Now that this information has come into my awareness….I pay a lot more attention to my choices and questioning why I might be choosing them.  Doesn’t mean I’m choosing much differently as of yet...but I’m in the “observe my own behavior” phase of this. There’s the “observe it while it’s happening phase.” Then the “see it coming...observe it before it happens phase.” Then the “change it before it happens because you saw it coming long before it arrived phase.”

Another form of energy and vibration entirely is Creation or Creating. I’m still pondering on the possibility that Creation may be the duality partner of Consumption. (Happy to hear your thoughts on this possibility...please post your comments on whether your life experiences reveal that creation might be the yin to consumptions yang).

When something is created...is does put itself out there to be consumed in many ways. Movie productions, music, art, books, even clothing or furniture, homes built, why even nature itself is consumed in many ways.  So I don’t want to suggest here that either/or is right or wrong. I am more interested here in the fact that we have choice...and what drives our choices from one given moment to the next. This is all so fascinating!

As you may know, I started painting again. And let me just say...the feeling of “being in the zone”...which is setting yourself aside and simply creating something literally out of nothing (paint on a blank canvas)...the feeling that comes from this is how I imagine a drug would feel. You cannot...create something from within “the zone” and not come out on the other side feeling anything other than euphoria...a very clear energetic high. (This is the feeling that a higher vibration brings into our orbit.)

But creating requires something from me.  Consumption does not.

Creation requires me to actively choose to “set the stage”, bring myself into an ever focused awareness on the present, listen to the divine, put myself over there on the side (be the zero) and just follow my instincts...which is kind of an attunement of sorts with the divine.  Tuning in.  And tuning in requires something from me. Tuning out does not.  Consumption...where we just sit and drink and eat at the table of whatever frivel or tivel comes our way.

Consumption can be a way to “attempt to” fill the void we may be struggling with feeling inside ourselves. Creation is a way to tune into a sense of knowing of who we are.

You might be wondering if only artists create? Creation can be in the form of many things like cooking a favorite dish, decorating for a community gathering in a communal space or at your home, writing music or a poem or a story, singing your favorite song, dancing to your favorite beat, sewing, fixing a car, building a house, baking a cake, producing a video, and on and on and on this goes.

So this brings me to my final point here which is a question that came to me a few weeks ago while sorting through these ideas and working towards understanding them.

What is happening within me...when I reach towards “feeding on” a particular energy? Whether I choose to create something (essentially filling myself with a sense of the divine) or whether I scroll through Facebook for two hours (essentially filling myself with a plethora of various energies...political views, vocalized complaints, inspirational quotes, deeply felt needs, comedy, and on and on) or whether I put on a playlist (essentially filling myself with a mood...an array of energies created by the frequency of sound).

And from within this “feeding” am I recognizing that I am in complete control of my own vibrational outcome? Well now...you might see the implications here.  I am responsible for how I feel in each and every moment...and what I do with that feeling is completely up to me. 

This I can control.

Photo Credit: Image by Sergio Cerrato - Italia from Pixabay

 

 

1/11/25 1530: And the 2024 word of the year is…….?

 

I’m not totally sure why the American Dialect Society word-of-the-year has captured my attention...but it has. Yesterday, while the Texas Longhorns versus the Ohio State Buckeye’s football game was readying for kickoff...ADS members in attendance of the annual conference held in Philadelphia met to vote on the word of the year. (Clearly my interests have shifted because I could really care less about watching the Cotton Bowl...but I DID care about what word would be chosen in honor of the “linguistical milestones” of 2024.)

Rawdog!

According to a press release (which you can read in its entirety by clicking here), “The American Dialect Society, in its 35th annual words-of-the-year vote, selected rawdog as the Word of the Year for 2024. More than three hundred attendees took part in the deliberations and voting, in an event hosted in conjunction with the Linguistic Society of America’s annual meeting.”

For clarity...the definition given for “rawdog” is as follows: to undertake without usual protection, preparation, or comfort (extension of earlier meaning ‘to have sex without a condom’).

To further clarify... and also according to the above press release, “Dr. Kelly Elizabeth Wright of the University of Wisconsin-Madison, data czar of the New Words Committee. ‘Rawdog has recently and rapidly burst its sexual bounds to refer to engagement in any activity without the typical preparation or in stone-cold sobriety.’ Dr. Wright said. ‘In 2024 folks rawdogged flights, family dinners, and final
exams. As one nominator commented this evening, rawdog is a great choice for Word of the
Year as we collectively rawdog the future of American politics in 2025.’”

New words. 

What an absolutely refreshing and whimsical idea! Creating words either from other words and switching up their meanings (thank you Gen Z) or creating new words entirely from scratch (thank you Dr. Seuss)

So to take this to any even more fun level, I began to ponder in what ways in 2024 did I rawdog something? Well, I did in fact rawdog some flights from Detroit to Asheville in 2023...so I am familiar with this. Where instead of filling the flight time with technology distractions like music or movies...I practiced presence. Observing the clouds and land moving beneath the airborne plane, observing passengers around me, observing the flight attendants move about doing their duties, basically taking in each and every moment as it unfolded.

Taking this definition into 2024, well I’d have to say...this entire year is chocked FULL of rawdogging experiences. I rawdogged moving to North Carolina, the resulting mental-remapping required from everything being new again, totally rawdogged whitewater river guiding on the Green, rawdogged the path to becoming a speaker at TedxBrevard 1.0 (which is now TedxBrevard 2.0 re-scheduled for May 3rd, 2025) totally rawdogged the arrival and aftermath of Hurricane Helene here in WNC and on and on and on.

All this said...I give a big thumbs-up to the ADS members who voted for the 2024 word-of-the-year, rawdog.  Gonna be fun to mindfully apply this term to adventures yet to come. And then of course, there will be the evolution of new words and we march through 2025. Can’t wait to see what the 2025 word-of-the-year will be!

Onward and upward!

You can read what other words were nominated for this year’s vote by clicking here ...and trust me when I say, this list is a fun read.  In fact, perusing the list of words selected from previous years is also a delightful read.  (I’m not really a self-professed street smart kinda person...but reading these words is a window into a span of time where linguistics are bent to match a chain of events.)


Photo Credit: me rawdogging a flight

 

 

1/1/25 1300: Rest in Peace year Four, Dad.

Today marks the fourth anniversary of Dad’s passing. Each year that passes it gets a little less complicated to walk through the energy around this time of the year. 

The passing of a parent isn’t for the faint of heart...as some of you already know. (There’s a kind of club that you join unknowingly when you lose a father or a mother). 

I learned so so many things throughout this journey. One of which is that upon the passing of someone who holds very specific memories that only the two of you share...means...that you can no longer relive these special memories by talking with them about it.  Essentially, their version of these special moments die with them. And trust me...Dad had a LOT of special versions of a lifetime of living memories that he and I shared.

Of course, Dad was human. He had his share of failures and fuck ups and faults. But he taught me a lot of things in his time here on earth. Some good...some not so good. 

He wasn’t the most gracious of men when I came out to him and Mom. It was where a very rough road began between he and I. But in the end...it forced me to look for the path to compassion for him. After all...if I wanted him to love me unconditionally...then I needed to love him without condition as well. It took me many years to figure out what this even meant.

I admired Dad on many levels. His persistence, his problem-solving skills, his relentless and quirky humor, his warrior spirit in taking on a challenge.

It was hard to watch him deteriorate in his final years as his battle with Parkinson's began to wear him down...mentally and physically.  When having a conversation with him there were glimpses of the man I knew versus his medicated mind that often spoke of hallucinated scenes. The best part of this was that I knew then that I would once again be able to have many conversations with him and discuss some of the deepest of topics after he passed. And this is true. I speak to him almost daily now.

All of this said...I want to tell you a story. An unbelievable true story about one of the many tall tales that “happened to Dad.” It’s a testament to his internal code of being fair and also being an advocate for one of his most favorite stores—Big Lots.

Dad loved to shop at Big Lots! (Especially the electronics aisle.)  Back when there used to be a Big Lots in Wauseon, Ohio...Dad went there to make a return for something he purchased one day. Everything went per usual until the next morning he called the bank to check on recent debits and credits (this of course was back when to get information on your banking you had to call the bank and listen to an automated recording for each of your transactions)....here’s what he heard.

“Credit in the amount of….two hundred thirty-five thousand, four hundred and forty eight dollars.”
What in the sam hill?? Yes...you read that correctly! That’s $235,448.00 deposited into his account!  Unbelievable.

Big Lots of Wauseon had mistakenly credited him two hundred thirty-five thousand...four hundred and forty eight dollars into his account!! He recorded an audio to prove to people that this actually happened...and then took great joy in playing it for anyone and everyone that would listen. Maybe it could be said that dad had something to do with Big Lots of Wauseon closing...but regardless...he contacted them right away to ensure they got it all straightened out and they got their money back. He was always honest if things like this happened...which for some reason goofy things like this happened to Dad. And he was always an advocate for Big Lots!!!

Crazy stuff like this happened to Dad. I swear there was never a dull moment with him.
Thank you for teaching me so much...and for continuing to teaching me...even now!

Miss you Dad.  
Rest in peace.

 

 

 

Photo #1: My sister and Dad.

Photo #2: Me and Dad

Photo #3: Dad fixing one of those epic nylon banded folding chair with me as the trusty assistant. I'm certain we were discussing the science of fixing folding chairs.

 

 

You can read the eulogy I wrote and recited at Dad's funeral in 2021 by clicking here.