Growing Up in the Shadow of Focus on the Family

When I heard today’s headline, “James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, has died,” I felt relief. For me, it marked the end of an era that caused deep harm in my life and in the lives of so many others.

Why relief?

Because it is finished.

Dobson’s voice was one of the loudest in shaping my parents’ worldview and, by extension, my upbringing. His books, his radio program, his version of “family values”...all of it wove its way into our household. If you’ve watched my TEDxBrevard talk, you’ll recognize echoes of this influence in my story.

One memory in particular rose to the surface today. It was 1999. I had just come out to my parents, and we were locked in a painful back-and-forth of emails where scripture was wielded like a weapon. In those days, my parents often turned to Christian organizations like Focus on the Family for “biblical guidance” about how to handle their daughter being gay.

That week, I tuned into a Focus on the Family broadcast that was devoted entirely to “the problem of homosexuality.” It was gut-wrenching to hear, but I felt I had to keep listening…because I knew my parents were listening, too. I needed to be ready for the next barrage of questions and accusations, many of which I knew would come straight from Dobson’s script.

That’s the kind of impact James Dobson had...not just ideas, but real ripple effects in families like mine, shaping conversations that cut deeply into already fragile relationships.

And yet, I will give credit where it’s due. A sad and horrifying truth buried in the history of many church families is the very real devastation that pornography inflicted—especially when husbands and fathers chose to hide it and refused to take the steps that could have brought healing to themselves and their families. I witnessed firsthand the indignity and damage it caused. Dobson named that reality and attempted to do something about it. For that, I tip my hat. He got this one right—a battle still being waged in many evangelical circles today.

But alongside that, Dobson’s legacy is heavy with words that were hateful, divisive, and dehumanizing...about women, about marriage, about LGBTQ people, about reproductive rights, and more. Those words caused real harm.

So yes, today I feel relief. An era has ended.

It is finished.

 

Photo Credit: Image by riyan hidayat from Pixabay